My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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