did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
