Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
