my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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