Umm I'm too high to move.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
