i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I smell stomach acid.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
they're like a gay fantastic four
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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