I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
