Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
