Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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