She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
