Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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