he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize