You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
