We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
