dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
