My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
