Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I still have a little drunk in my system
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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