I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
