Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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