Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
