sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
