At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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