His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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