Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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