Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
