i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
