I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You made out with two different species that night
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
