you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
