I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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