No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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