Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
