nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
vagina is talking i cant
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize