I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
