Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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