i permit you to call me
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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