I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
