i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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