babies were throwing up all over the place
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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