i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Oh god it's open bar.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
