i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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