wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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