Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He better not be in your backpack
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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