im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
