franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
