I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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