Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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