Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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