stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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