oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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