I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
