Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
