I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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