Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
