So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well I just put wine in my tea
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
