going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
