I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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