he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
