Me too!
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
