im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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