If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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