Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
