I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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