Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
