It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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