Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
