Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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