Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Randomize