At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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