You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
