Will you blow on my dice?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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