my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
