Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize