I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
