Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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