im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I would ride that face into the sunset
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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