chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
