This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
