I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize