i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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