i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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