he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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