Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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