I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
