I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
