I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize