I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
