Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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