Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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