Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
