I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
