they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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