Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
