I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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