so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
