i jhust puked up my retainher.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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