Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
