I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
