just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
