i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
