Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
