Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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