Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
