I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize