Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
